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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in rencat's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, November 3rd, 2012
11:20 pm
Long hard battle
Today was probably one of the hardest days I've had in a long time. Today was my black belt ranking test. I along with a good friend and five other brown belts arrived around 8 this morning for the test. We were all excited and on edge. Then around ten the test finally began. We did quick basics, then moved on to katas (both empty hand, two man, and weapons), bunkai(explantion of moves from a kata), self defense, then lastly sparing 8 people for one minute each. They did however break up the sparing into fight 4 people then rest then fight four more after everyone had gone. The sparing was my worse part of the test. The main reason why is this past week but the week before I had suffered a five day long bout of kidney stones. So I quickly realized going into my second set that they weren't fully healed just yet. By my third match they were hurting and I was having trouble fighting. But I pushed through to my last match where by the end I was having trouble breathing. We got done with out test around 2:30 ish. I finally got some water in me. I was dehydrated(again kidneys no like that). Then it was the black belts going up in ranks turn. We had to sit through their test and got done about 3:30 ish. The black belt board left to evaulate us. Around 4 they came back. We were all starving by then. No one had eaten since like 6 or 6:30 that morning. No lunch break. My wife was also there pregnant and starving. We all got in line. The black belts going up were called first. Then first brown belt. Then I heard my name called. I had done it! I had finally made black belt in Isshinryu karate. It felt good. I was pulled aside by my sensei. He told us we needed to speak to two other sensais there on the board. Turns out me and my friend were very close to not making rank. Mine was because of my sparing. I don't know if they knew about the kidney issue or not, but had it not been for my sensei sticking up for us and putting his good word in for us, we might not have made it. The goal was we had to improve by our next rank test for second degree(which is a minimum of two years from now). So even with that I was still happy. It still feels like a blur to me. I'm brused up, banged up. nothing broken though^^ thank God for that. The worse thing I had was a slight busted nose(I didn't know it was bleeding a little til I wiped my nose on my gee)and a cut on my forhead. (from either self defense or sparring). I know once I'm fully healed in my kidneys I'll work hard on the getting more stamnia up for my fighting. But now I am going to crash and rest happy a Sho-Dan.

Current Mood: accomplished
Sunday, July 22nd, 2012
9:21 pm
An annoucement
So we wanted to let everyone know that the baby is doing fine....and IT'S A BOY!
Wednesday, May 23rd, 2012
5:27 pm
Need help with something...
So Kayla and I were wondering what do you get when you cross a border collie with a black and white cat... I guess we will find out around dec 17 ;P
Tuesday, April 3rd, 2012
10:57 pm
thoughts
I really haven't talked much about the miscarriage since it happened. I'm not depressed or sad at the moment, key word is at the moment; I'm just contemplative. Some of you never had this happen to you, some of you will never have this happen, some of you may have had this happen to you and your wife or know someone who has had one. I want to tell you what it's like from my point of view.
Ok imagine you have a wife who tells you she is pregnant. You like this idea; the idea of being a father is one that you have looked forward to. The baby isn't an accident but you weren't trying but you weren't not not trying. So she gives you the news. You are happy. You get it confirmed with the doctor and you tell both sets of parents who are happy. For her side, this is the first grandchild. For my side its the 3rd, but first for me. You are so happy you get to tell everyone. Friends, online friends, neighbors, family. Everyone is so happy. You feel like your on cloud nine.
Next you get to look through and plan for the baby. We don't know the gender but we call the baby "Punkinhead" or "Punkin". Now you already started planning out the room design if the baby is a girl or boy. Can do a neutral them. You go on sites like Thinkgeek.com and other fun sites for cool baby stuff. You start thinking about life lessons you will teach them. You start thinking how you will influence them, how the arts will be introduced to them from the start. How you will disapline and how you handle certain possiblities in life. If they are gay, or straight, if they like football if they like dolls etc.
Then the time comes and you get to go see the baby's heart beat. You get to see the life you created on a screen live. The doctors tell you it has a slow heartbeat, but its nothing to worry about.
Now imagine 24 hours later the world that you were planning, imagining, the hopes and dreams for this child suddenly vanish. The joy that brought your wife so much joy now only brings her sorrow and deep depression. How nothing you can say matters to her. Nothing you can do will make it better. There is absolutely nothing you can do other than love her, but even then it won't bring the child back. How it felt for me to be in the waiting room while she was in the bathroom and the baby came out of her in the toilet. How it traumatized her. Coming home and now having to tell everyone the baby is gone. How no one knows how to react. Some say sorry and give hugs. Others say "it wasn't in God's plan" or "just wasn't meant to be".
Now you go on day after day where every little thing reminds you of it. A baby on tv. Getting mail about being a mommy. Seeing friends who are pregnant at the same time as you were progress while you have nothing. Where your wife becomes bitter toward them because of it. Because she wasn't allowed to keep hers. How your wife constantly blames herself even if there is no rational reason for it. How ever though we were told the baby was just sick and quite possible didn't have the chromosomes linked up right.
This goes on for months. Then little at a time you slowly get to see your wife again out of the darkness. Fewer crying fits. Every so often they come. I find myself getting angry about it or sad and depressed. July 1-3 will be hard days because that was the due date. November 18 will be a hard day cause that's when it happened.
But we haven't given up. we will be mommy and daddy one day.
Friday, March 2nd, 2012
6:37 am
yay surgery
Well this coming wed, I will be going in for my first major surgery. I will be getting my gallbladder taken out. Luckily it will be done laposcopicly so wont have a big scar. Why you may wonder well, I found out I have sludge/ gallstone in my gallbladder. A few weeks ago I got sick with what I thought was food poisoning. But after a bit of vomiting, I was fine after. So I didn't think nothing about it. Well two weeks later I have tummy issues again with diarrhea and ended with me vomiting again. So I went to the doctor thinking I might have a bug. I described what was going on. He said I might have gallstone. Especially after I mentioned I have family who had theirs taken out. So I get a sonogram done and low and behold , not only do I have galstones, but I got kidney stones too XD. Ive had kidney stones before, so I been really drinking up on the water and lemonade which has been helping. So they only treatment for gallstones is surgery. Well its the only best one. Its early enough that I won't have an attack and require emergency surgery. If it were an emergency surgery there would be like a 40% I would die. But yeah. fun stuff...
Friday, February 17th, 2012
10:02 pm
FEAR THE OKRA!!
Ok so our college in our town has made sports on Yahoo.com. Go check out our awesome masco the FIGHTING OKRA!!!!
http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/ncaaf-dr-saturday/meet-delta-state-unofficial-mascot-fighting-okra-160434934.html

yes...its epic I know B)
Wednesday, December 21st, 2011
12:09 am
Why God Why
The phrase "why God Why" Im sure is uttered more than just about any phrase when things go wrong in life. For instance, Why did my child get taken away? Why is someone else allowed to have a safe pregnancy? Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't know the reasons for everything but I do understand others. My wife had a cousin who died at 9and a half(he was very particular about his age mind you) and it was from cancer. He had it two other times and was miraculously healed. The third time was the worse? This last time we asked God to do what was needed to get rid of the cancer. So He took Mason since his body wasn't strong enough. Now why would He do that? Mason I believe was to change the world in some way. And he had. He influnced hundreds and maybe thousands and even a cancer foundation started after him. Because of him there will be a cure. There maybe even someone out there he was ment to change their life. I know he did mine as well as his family. He brought them all closer together for sure.
Why did I lose my child? I don't know. It maybe because it was just our turn of the draw. Or there maybe something going to happen that we need both of my wife and I in full strength. I know we will have a child one day and Punkin(that's what we call our baby) will have helped picked them out for us.
My wife is one of those people who will also change the world. She will have saved hundreds if not thousands of animals by the time her life is over. She has the biggest heart I have ever seen and would do anything to help an animal or someone in need. Our loss was a terrible stab in her self, soul, and her very core of being. She wants to be a mommy so much, and I know she will be a great one, one day. So we come to the third question, one that gets asked a lot.
Why does bad things happen to good people?
Ive pondered this and think I have an answer. Its an equalizer. Good and bad will happen to each person. We are taught that we reap what we sow. So when bad things happen we feel like we are being punished or we deserve it. Not true. Sure there are times if you do something bad , something bad will happen to you. Ie you could get a dease from doing drugs. You could get killed from killing someone else. You can have good when you do good. Help a stranger, and when you need it fortune will favor you etc etc etc. But We know that good happens to "bad" people as well as bad things happen to "Good". If we all got what we truely sowed or good goes to good ppl and bad goes to bad people then there would be no hope for if you did something bad. Say you make a bad choice a mistake, for what ever reason, you would be doomed to get only bad. But we find we get good, grace, mercy for us all. Its an equalizer. A chance for everyone. The bad time suck, its shitty, you get angry with God, you question Him? But thats ok. Do we not get angry with our parents? Do we not question them?
We do this in hopes to maybe learn from them? So by doing it we can learn from God if we listen. I mean He is called Father after all. Sure we get frustrated and yell at Him. We curse His name and some dissown Him. But He does want to show us the answers , we might not understand them but its there. We just have to trust that He does know best and He can see further down the road than us. Answers are there if we look and are willing to listen.

Current Mood: contemplative
Saturday, November 19th, 2011
9:15 am
numb
For some of you may already know , for others that don't. Yesterday we lost the baby. We don't know why at least not yet. Two days ago we got to see our baby. We saw their heartbeat. We have the sonogram on the fridge. Then yesterday Kayla started to bleed and cramp badly. We rushed to the women's clinic. Then she lost the baby there. It's still hard to grasp. It hurts. I hurt also for my wife because when I found out we were pregnant she couldnt say she was broken(long story about the feeling broken); now she feels that way again. It's going to take a while for things to be ok.just wanted yall to know.

Current Mood: numb
Monday, November 14th, 2011
6:39 pm
2 years
So as of today I have been married to the love of my life Kayla for 2 years ^^ now in feb we will have been together for 10 years hhehe I love you honey!
Friday, November 4th, 2011
5:54 pm
scary post halloween news
SO ladies and gentalmen some scary news has just happened to me and Kayla....we are going to be PARENTS! I'm going to be a daddy !...yes scary i know XD

Current Mood: excited
Friday, October 7th, 2011
10:49 am
ER trip the sequel
well...I ended up in the ER again tonight. This time NOT involving me shoving sharp objects into my flesh, but due to an intense pain in my right kidney. I was fine before bed, then about an hour or so later I got up with a bad sharp pain in my right kidney. I thought i might have to use the bath room but after trying I ended vomiting. So after the pain didn't get better and got a little worse, we decided it was time to go to the ER. We got me to the car and got down there. I got out and hurried to the front desk. Thank God they weren't busy at all...it was 1:00 in the morning. WE started to give my info to the receptionist and i ended up having to puke again which resulted in me falling on my hands and knees on the er lobby floor puking in a bucket i brought. Took me a min or two to get up. Took me to back room and got an iv in me. They gave me fluids, pain meds, something for nausea. After a few mins I was filling ok. I had to give a urine sample which i think I passed the stones into. And yes that was the problem. Tiny kidney stones. mainly due to me NOT drinking enough water ...c.c yes i know bad bad bad me. I got out around 3:30. I'm off of work today to recover. I feel fine now thank God. That was the worse pain ive been in ever. I'm glad it was just one kidney and not both and it was a small stone and not a big one. BAH. I don't ever want to go through that again X.X
Saturday, September 24th, 2011
8:09 pm
Happy Birthday Jim Henson
Today marks the day of Jim Henson's 75th birthday. Now besides the fact he created the Muppets, Seseame street, Fraggle rock and many other great things; he is also a mississippi native. He lived only 30 minutes away from me. Its amazing to think this creative genius came from this area. He is a big influence on my creativeness. I hope that I can be like him. Also they had a special bridge dedication over deer creek for him. The bridge is now called the rainbow connection =)
Sunday, September 4th, 2011
6:15 pm
the help
So I finally got to see the movie "The help" for those of you who don't know I actually got to work in this movie. I was a stand in for Leslie Jordan, aka Mr. Blackly. It was a great movie. Fun to work in and everyone was so nice. I got to meet and have lunch with Emma Stone. I also got to be around a girl that was in true blood, though I didn't know it at the time, it was rev. Newland's wife. Also after watching the movie the guy that plays Lafyette from True Blood was in the movie too XD I would have loved to meet him.
Well I pointed out to my wife and mom and dad what scenes I was in. It was nice seeing it on the big screen. I watched the entire movie and loved it. Then I was waiting for my big moment. I was ready to see my name in the credits. I know stand ins are in the credits. So I wait and waited. Each name was bringing up the build up and then we say "Stand ins" and I wasn't there. The stand ins from the main cast were there, but I wasn't. It was a big let down. I felt everything just kinda fall away. I really thought I was going to see my name....oh well there is always next time. But I really do reccomend everyone going to see this movie, it really is good...and be sure and get some pie ;P
Monday, August 22nd, 2011
7:20 am
The Help
I had the fortunate oppurtunity to work in the movie "The Help". I did stand in work for Lesley Jordan, aka Mr. Blackly. It was a great experience learning how movies work. How they film them. Ect. I got to meet Emma Stone and have lunch with her as well as Leslie Jordan. It was an all around fun experience. Everyone was nice and friendly. Now the movie is out in theatres. Unfortunatly I haven't gotten to watch it yet due to time and it being sold out here. Right now its the number one movie in america. Its kinda hard to fathom that I was appart of it. Granted I only did two scenes but still. I hope to go see it. Will be nice to see it and say "ooo this is the scene I helped with"
Sunday, August 7th, 2011
12:15 pm
Vacation: time in Virginia
So On tuesday I made it at Sporty's place around Noon. Susi was there to great me. This was the first time in 3 years I had seen him. As a matter of fact when we first met it was in Germany XD. Well first thing that happened was I got a hug. Then he told me there was a situation with his car. Either the computer that controlled the transmission was out or the transmission completely was out. We took my vehicle into Orange for lunch, a little walk around and pick up the computer. We went back to the house and installed the computer in the car. And Huzzah! it came alive! So it was just the computer. He showed me around the yard. I met the three wolves who are all gorgeous and friendly. Then soon after sporty came home. It was nice to finally meet him. Supper was made and we ate and talked. I made the couch my bed for the week.
Wed was a day of awesome. First it was Sporty's day off so he was home all day. This day we would kill elmo, not just any elmo...chicken dance elmo. You see my wife keeps kids for her job. And someone gave her this toy , it didnt dance but it would sing and sing and sing and sing. The thing had to die. We tried giving it to our dogs but they ended up fixing it and making it dance again. So it was my assignment to bring it to die.. And boy were they more than happy to help with this. So with the meeting of Fairin and Syn we get guns and headed out. Sporty screwed in the feet to a tree stump and then the fun begain. I took first shot with the .22 then susi shot it with the 357 mag and then the 12 gage with buckshot. Now you can view all this on youtube. Sadly the last shots were not captured. Birdshot was put into the birds chest and literally blown out feet. After that I got my first dirt bike ride. I will admit I was scared. I have only ridden four wheelers before never a motorized two wheeled machine. Sporty instructed me in how to duck walk and just take it easy in first gear and in his front yard. I am glad of that... I don't think it would have worked on the track. So I started the duck walk and with in minutes I had my feet on the bars riding. I road and turned. I felt my confidence grow. I slowed down and stopped. Soon I was back riding again around the yard until my sweat had obscured my vision. I figured I might want to have that.
speaking of heat....apparently I had brought the Ms delta heat up with me since it didnt get hot up there til I arrived...SORRY!
On Thurs it was a pretty laid back day. We kinda chilled. Susi and I went to the river swam and he worked on his reports. Later we both spent time drawing and chilling.
Friday was a day we both were excited about. Bodypainting. I am an aspiring special effects artist and one thing I needed to try is bodypainting. Well susi was more than happy to help. For almost over a year we have discussed me turning him into a zebra. So today we would. But first we would go eat Chinese at this really awesome buffet in Orange. We got back around 1 and around 2 I was all set up ready to go. We set up the bathroom to do the body painting. I got my air brush ready. I had bought alcohol based airbrush makeup which means its water proof. So we started to do the painting. It took about 4 hours to do it. That was full body paiting in white, then black strips details, adding on the bald cap, fixing his hair, adding prothetics to his face and touching up the face. It was amazing to see how excited he was and eager he became as he was transforming to the zebra. We took pics. And since it was getting late we had to slime the zebra. he was put under his imfamous slime tank. And I pulled the chord...and it broke....so i had to pull the string from the inside. We sprayed him off and went inside. I would have a date with the slime tank tomorrow.
Sat we spent the morning touching up the zebra for a few more shots. Sadly I had to leave sat evening because of the long drive home. We went to the a local winery where I tasted some fine wine and bought two bottles. When we got back home. It started to thunder and lightning. And I mean the strike the ground kind. So I didn't get put under the slime tank due to neither one of us wanted to be struck. So inside we went to finish watching Harry potter and the deadly hallows part 1. When it was over. I had to start getting ready to go. Susi made me supper, delicious stuffed noodles. I packed the bags , ate, and then got in the car. We hugged goodbye. Both hated the trip seemed short. We had so much fun and still had stuff we wanted to do.
but thats the end of part 2 of the trip.
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011
9:44 pm
vacation report part 1: the drive
Ok this is something I have been needing to do for a bit and that's a report of what happened in Virginia. On sat it was decided that I would rent a car from a local rental that my parent's said they would pay for. I looked online it was only $199 for a week. So on early monday morning I booked the car online and went up there at 8 am. I really wanted to leave around 6, but that wasn't happening. So I get there with Mom at 8....and none of the cars are available...they have no cars for rent. They have 19 coming in between 8 and 9...well 9 rolls around and still none have shown up. So mom offers me her car and will give me gas money. I take it and we got home and switch cars. I load up all the stuff and kiss Kayle bye. I felt bad because she was crying. She didn't want me to go, but at the same time she knew I needed the vacation. So I started out on my 14 hour ride. I popped in a few of my favorite musicals in the cd player and was off. Now I like listening to musicals through out my trip because it makes time pass faster. So for the first few hours its no problem. I'm getting great gas mileage. I stop outside of Memphis and eat lunch. I start heading toward nashville and I stop in my all time favorite named town....Bucksnort...now what is great about Bucksnort is there are two things off the highway for the town...a gas station where I got a drink and across the road is a 24 hour adult super store. Yes in TN you will find adult superstores EVERYWHERE...lol. Now I make it to nashville. And its the farthest I've been before. Driving through Nashville was a little unnerving and slightly crowded. I make it through fine...then i hit Knoxville...Oh my Lord that is a beautiful place! Its big as nashville and memphis, but cleaner and less crowded...Also I saw between there and Virgina I saw three signs for turn offs for theatres...yes this is a big deal for me. I have never seen a simple sign saying there is a theatre in the area more or less on the interstate.
It started to get late and dark. It was looking like I would make it by....2:30 am c.c...so yeah I crossed over the Virginia state line. I found a econo loge and got a room for $59 tax and all...chaching I chilled and got on line for bit. Next morning I drove for about 5 more hours and jammed all the way. I found Virginia to be a beautiful start to drive through. The moutains were gorgeous. They have trees!...(for those of you who have never been to the MS delta its field field field...TREE..field field )I wish I could have taken more pics, but its hard to do that and drive. now I found one thing kinda scary...there are signs saying "Speed limit is inforced by aircraft".....think about it..your driving down the road speeding and here a siren. You look behinds you and its clear. then you hear a knock on your roof of your car..*bangbangbang* "Pull over!" Police plains or police with jet packs. And if you don't pull over they shoot your car with an emp taser that shuts your car down. But after 5 hours I made it to Hotel De la Fox. Where I was greated by a great friend. Susi. =P stayed tuned for part two.
Saturday, July 30th, 2011
10:53 pm
End of an era
So tonight ends an era in my life. I have seen the final harry potter movie. I was very pleased with it. But its sad. There will be no more harry potter movies to look forward to. I love Harry potter stories/ movies because of the world that was created. I've been to London and seen lot of the places from the movie. And while watching the most recent ones I recognize places they show in the movies because I have been and seen them. It's fun feeling thinking, "Ive been there and Harry has been there too." And its because of where I live. When you live with nothing around you , you have to let your imagination take over.
I am glad I saw it ^^ now i got to rewatch all of them now XD
Thursday, July 28th, 2011
10:09 pm
some good news finally
ok its been a shitty week....that's the nicest way of saying it finally some good news. I have been recommended for black belt! so what this means I have been recommended by my current sensias for black belt. next part is I go to the head dojo and let them look at me then they will do a formal recommendation for black belt test.
Monday, July 25th, 2011
7:36 pm
sad news :(
Ok today is the first full day back home from my vacation. will post a vacation recap later but took my cat Tojo to vet today and found out he is in the stage II renal failure. its only the beginning stages but this is the very thing our dog buddy died from. I know its still first stages and its treatable with fluids, special foods and meds. But he will be on this for the rest of his life. blah I am sad cause this is my first kitty.
Wednesday, June 15th, 2011
10:24 pm
why
Why God can't I have a job that will pay me well so money doesn't worry us, not have to get up at 5:30 am and stay at work till 5:00pm and do this 6 and half days a week, and be happy? Why does it feel like I can't even go anywhere or do anything then turn around and have to worry about money? Why do I live in this shitty town where there is nothing and no where to advance in life? *faceslam*
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